Friday, January 8, 2010

What do you do....

I woke up this morning and just layed there. Ok, so it was 11am and the dog next door was barking incessantly but I still woke up and layed there. And can't get it off of my mind...what do you do?
Or what do I do? I spent time last night for the first time in 2 years with my family. And I actually had fun. It was so wonderful to be around my awesome nieces who are growing up and are so fun to hang around with...and then there's this sinking pit in my stomach that has no idea how I am ever going to truly be myself with them. I mean I was completely myself and yet the one thing missing is my partner.

I want her there with me to enjoy those moments. To spend with me. To bring my family around too. And this is truly going to be the hardest challenge in my entire life.
But I'm not giving up.
I am so lucky to have a patient and kind girlfriend (hi babe)...thanks for sticking it out.

One of my goals this year is to face my fears. And I'm not sure what my fear is anymore within my family except that I know their answer is and almost surely always will be "No." How the hell do you get past a solid no?

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