Long week..or couple of weeks

I've been slacking a bit the past few days...or really have forgotten to blog.
Been full force on a 3 week commercial prep/shoot and just finished, well almost finished wrapping tonight.

Long days,long nights and here I am almost done...just a few minor finish ups tomorrow.
and then back on track with writing.

Keeping up

Keeping up writing this blog daily while working is a bit challenging
but I'm here, aren't I!?!

Long hours, many days in a row. I'm not even sure how I remember to show up on this virtual page.
I can hardly remember what I'm supposed to be doing from minute to minute, even when I write it down.

I do know however, I need to be getting more sleep.
That's where I'm off to now.

Keeping this short because I need to rest for my 6am call time. ugh

Fast

Although I am working and had a super fast paced day...the kind where everytime you look at the clock it seems another hour has zoomed by...it was a great day.

I had my first day of my new writing class.
I am so excited to be in a class again. A reminder of writing, practicing the craft, exercising that daydream space in my mind that I want to create so vividly.

I enjoyed the class and our exercises and look forward to going each week.

Temporary loss of time

Well...I temporarily forgot to write.
guess it can happen to us all, with work and work and work sucking me in right now.

Working on Round Table Pizza commercial # 3 to be shot on Tues and Wed.
of next week.
Lots of prepping and shooting and then wrapping and then I'm free again, temporarily.

Luckily my girlfriend, on sundays, reminds me to step out of the work space in my mind and step back into mental centeredness and presence as we go to yoga.
I wish I could keep it up during the week but unfortunately I can't with my work schedule. You may not believe me but it's true when you're working 8:30am-8pm or even more every day/night.

But...it will all be over shortly and I'll have some down time until the next one comes around.

Excitedly I start a writing class tomorrow night. I'm very excited and
hope I can clear my head since I will be coming from the chaos at work into the creative space of writing.

I look forward to it.

Just stick with it

My wise writing teacher told me that my email read like a frustrated poem
Ha!
That, I like.

Yes, when I'm feeling out of touch with my writing...not making time,
not making progress, I reach into the deep pits inside myself
and turn to trying to "fix"myself.
Like there's a secret handshake I haven't learned yet.
Or there's a buddhist quote that will open the mental door.
Or a moment in time when everything will just switch and I will "become a writer" and everything will be different.

But I am a writer. And this is only a moment in time.
And I WILL stick with it.
And I am making progress.
No one holds the barometer of my progress except me and I'm the one making up those standards.

I am writing every single day like I said I would.
It's 11:59pm and here I am. Fully present and accomplishing my
goal.

How do people do it!?!

I wonder.
How do people do it?
How do they go to the same job, day in, day out...working 10-12 hours a day
and come home to sit in front of the tv, drink a beer or 6 and go to sleep to get little sleep every night and wake up and do it all over again?

Really? It's not that I want to know the answer to this question so I can master it.
But I just don't know how I can stand it when I do it in small increments such as I am right now.

I work 10-12 or more hour days and come home, have some wine, watched some paranormal tv shows and don't forget "Real WOrld" and now I'm trying to go to bed...early.

Early. It's 11:30pm already and I won't even get 8 hours or 7 hours.
What is required to actually feel rested?

So, I don't want to know how to do it so I can accomplish the task of living like this but how can I not do it?

hah! I guess that's the real question. What I daydream about.
Maybe this is my quest and I follow the yellow brick road and see where it goes.
And maybe I won't have to do this much longer.

What to do

What to do what to do...what to do when I'm feeling a bit unmotivated yet like my motivation is pent up and I don't have time for it.
Don't have the energy for it.
Don't quite know how to stick it out and get it out of me.
What to do, what do I need to do?

Will there ever be that magical moment when everything feels like it's in place and it opens itself up to me and says, "Aha! Yes, now...DO!"

And poof! Everything will be as it has never been before but as I always dreamed it should be and I will do.

Ugh...daydreaming...it's what I am best at.

Hmmmmmm

What does one write about when one is trying to write every single day. (I only say "trying" since I missed ONE freakin, measely little day).
I tend to go with the "whatever comes to mind" strategy.

And what happens when nothing comes to mind?

Hmmmmmmm......

Seeing things

So I have had a fantastic weekend just relaxing with Cassandra.
We have been watching this show called "Psychic Kids" for the last few hours.
Probably for longer than I want to admit.
But it's a really cool show.
Makes me realize most of us have probably had some sort of feeling of something watching us or had a creepy feeling like something is in the room at some point.
I'm not feeling that at this moment, luckily, but I have had that feeling.

It's cool to see the kids on this show and what they feel and how they accomplish getting past their fear.
It's a good lesson to learn and apply to other aspects of life.
To sit with the process and not have fear within facing that fear.

I will take positivity from this lesson and apply it to my own life.
Thanks, Psychic Kids!

I'm pretty sure

...I'm pretty sure I missed blogging last night. So sleepy. I slept til almost 1 today trying to catch up on missed or delayed sleep from my trip and from going right to work from travelling.

It's raining now. I like the rain. In fact love the rain. There's something so cozy and peaceful and actually warm about it.

And for now I get to enjoy my long weekend off and continue to work next week.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Interesting

District 9...WTF...hah!
I am sure I should take some time to think it out and see what it symbolizes but it hasn't completely sunk in yet since I just finished it and need to go to sleep asap.
It was definitely interesting, though, and gross at times. Though, not as gross as people made it out to be.

It is definitely better than alot of movies out there, especially better than 2012 which I thought for sure wasn't going to be as bad as people said.
Whoever those people were.

I do look forward to seeing "The Lovely Bones" this weekend. Look forward in the way that I read the book quite a while ago and Peter Jackson is directing it. I love his work.
But I am prepared. It's a messed up story.

How wonderful that an author can make you feel what you feel from the words they wriet. I hope I do the same.

I'm home

I am home and oh so so tired. I am off to bed soon. I had a fantastic time in Austin, my other home.
And though I am happy to be home to my beautiful girlfriend and my amazing kitties and my lovely city, I of course miss my family and my friends.

It's always nice to have 2 homes, it's just hard when they are so far away from each other.

Not much to say tonight. Going to sleep soon. So sleepy.

Yesterday

Well 2 days in a row I'm writing late but whatever.
Saying "see ya soon" to family and friends sucks. Leaving is hard. But I know I'll come back and bring Cassandra with me next time.

I had a fabulous time in Austin. Saw a movie, bowled and even did karaoke. Played Rock Band with my nieces and saw my friends kids growing up.

Now I'm back to the city and ugh right back to work like directly after I land. That's rough but all is well.

I'm happy I visited an am happy to return back to SF.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I'm not perfect

Well I'm far from perfect in Many ways. I don't know anyone who is perfect and it would be creepy if they were.

So I "technically" missed my cut off for my today (Monday's) blog posting. But to me what really matters is that I keep moving forward. Yes I am doing my posting for Monday now before going to sleep after a wonderful day of spending time with my mom and my mom's friend who I have known forever and my nieces, grandparents, dad, brother and sister in law. I also got to enjoy some time with friends.

So to me it's all ok that I am getting to my posting late. Isn't good time with friends and family what life is all about!?!

Sadly my visit in Austin is coming to an end for this round. I have one more day and am catching up with some friends. It was really hard go say goodbye for now to my family. I hope they come visit me. Even if SF is cold sometimes it's still a beautiful vibrant city.

Thank u to my friends and family for making my Austin adventure always fun and exciting like karaoke and bowling last night.

Til next time!

Oh yeah! I have one more day. I will make the most of it.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

How Austin has changed....and hasn't

It's still set in Central Texas. ok, I know...duh
It's still hot as hell in the summers and can get really cold sometimes in the winter, like now.
But the city itself is totally growing and expanding. In a really cool way.
There are all kinds of areas popping up all over the city that my friends are taking me to of new bars, restaurants and even a hip bowling alley that I am going to tonight.
The bowling alley even has a karaoke area that has individual rooms you can go into with your friends and have your own personal party.

The mexican food here is still amazing, so luckily that has NOT changed.

The best thing about Austin that hasn't changed is the people and how personable and friendly they are. For instance, when someone bumps into you, which doesn't happen often, they acknowledge you and apologize. Or if you are walking into a place and someone is walking out, they probably will say "hi" and open the door for you.
And my favorite is when ordering a coffee or anything really, the person helping you actually says "hello" and proceeds with a conversation about "what would you like" and then after the transaction ends it with a "thank you."

This might seem like a small thing and ridiculous to get excited about but really it's not. It's something I used to take for granted and then when I moved to San Francisco didn't understand why people were so closed off.

I am going back with a good attitude, though. I intend to bring the southern hospitality back with me and give that as a gift to west coasters and maybe it will come back around to me. Maybe not...but that's not the point.

Good food Good friends

One great thing when I come to Austin I am always guaranteed to eat good food with good friends. It's truly a treat. Even if all I end up eating is Mexican food, which I love.

So far I've had huevos rancheros, new Mexican style eggs and beans, breakfast tacos, taco tacos and will have fish tacos at one of my favorite places Guero's tonight.

Good fun. It's really good to see everyone and to come to the place that was once my home and in my heart will always be home even if SF is also home.
I suppose it makes me lucky to have multiple homes.

And I always look forward to going back to San Francisco no matter where I am in the world.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

What do you do....

I woke up this morning and just layed there. Ok, so it was 11am and the dog next door was barking incessantly but I still woke up and layed there. And can't get it off of my mind...what do you do?
Or what do I do? I spent time last night for the first time in 2 years with my family. And I actually had fun. It was so wonderful to be around my awesome nieces who are growing up and are so fun to hang around with...and then there's this sinking pit in my stomach that has no idea how I am ever going to truly be myself with them. I mean I was completely myself and yet the one thing missing is my partner.

I want her there with me to enjoy those moments. To spend with me. To bring my family around too. And this is truly going to be the hardest challenge in my entire life.
But I'm not giving up.
I am so lucky to have a patient and kind girlfriend (hi babe)...thanks for sticking it out.

One of my goals this year is to face my fears. And I'm not sure what my fear is anymore within my family except that I know their answer is and almost surely always will be "No." How the hell do you get past a solid no?

7 mins left

7 mins left to write my blog for the day. And ugh

What a horrible national championship game. But in all fairness it just wasn't fair. Sucked our starting quarterback got injured in the first 5 minutes of the day. Not his fault. Ugh

But i had a great time hangin out with my family and jokin around with my nieces. They're fun. Totally growing up
I look forward to spending more time with them




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Testing testing 123

I'm testing out theblogpresslite app I jus downloaded for my iPhone so I can blog while travelling. Crossing my fingers and hope this works



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Going to ATX

Well, I am almost off to Austin, TX to visit my friend I haven't seen in 8 or so months and my family I haven't seen in 2 years.
Apparently I am going to be met with an "Arctic blast" while I am there. Brrrr
But like true Texas weather, just wait a minute and it will change.

While I am there, and I am sure you will hear all about my trip, I will be doing yoga, seeing friends and family, watching UT play in the championships (on tv) and maybe even making some fun t-shirts with friends.

The most important thing is to enjoy my time with everyone.
That is my intention for this trip.

My number 1 fan

Hi babe,
Thank you so much for becoming a follower. You always tell me you are my number 1 fan.
I want you to know how much I appreciate you and love you.

Ok, so the whole world or maybe just you and me know how much I love you. (I don't think anyone else is reading this..haha)

Today was a good day and YES!!! I did write. I met my friend and partner in crime Jessica at a cafe to catch up and write. We typically write using prompts and time our writing so we have a time goal like 20 minutes.
Prompts can be anything like a sentence, a quote, a word, a song, a picture, a smell, etc. Anything that takes you to the "dream space" as our favorite writing teacher (Chris) calls it.
And you sit there and write. Don't criticize. Write the first thing that comes to mind and no editing. Just write.
This method has been very helpful for me to push the critic away and to follow my creative mind down the path it is leading me.

Jessica is a superstar prompt creator and is almost always in charge of providing this. Which is amazing.

I encourage others to write and acknowledge the critic if it shows up but not to listen to it.

If you should like to write, I am going to share the prompt Jessica created that I wrote from today:

"Fuck being tough."

The cool thing is...

So far the blog may be a lot of writing about nothing.
Good news is...not only is it keeping me writing something every day, it's making me really think/contemplate writing every day.

I am meeting up with a friend tomorrow to write for a few hours.
And I have some of my pieces to type up as well.

And so I will continue to write in this blog. Although I am sure I am boring whoever, if anyone is reading this...don't worry, it might not get more interesting.
But..it might!

I leave for Austin, TX on Wednesday to visit my friends and family. My family who I have not seen in 2 years. I'm nervous but excited to see them. I hope we can just have fun together. I do miss them and truly cannot believe I have not seen them in so long. And my nieces are now 8 and 11. ugh.

Growing up happens so freakin fast. I cannot believe how they are growing up and how everyone, well mostly everyone (except for a few of my friends), seem to be growing up too and doing adult things. having kids, animals, careers, 2nd careers, businesses, etc.

I feel truly great this year and very clear headed so far. I have no doubt that will ebb and flow.
A book I am reading right now by a very wise woman, Pema Chodron, said something that stuck with me after I read it last night, "What I find helpful is to think of whatever I am experiencing-whether it's sadness, anger, or worry; pleasure, joy, or delight-as simply dynamic, fluid energy of life as it is manifesting right now."

The thought that our emotions will unendingly be changing in a fluid way calmed me.
It's true, we can't always be happy, we won't always be sad. We will be exactly where we are.

Paranormal State...of mind.

Is Paranormal State real?
Well...probably not.
The characters definitely hear things that we often don't hear and show their drama
with the eyes wide open, "Did you hear that?"
But one thing I can say is that I was totally annoyed with it the first few times I watched it and now it's actually pretty entertaining.
I like it when we actually see things flying and shadows stepping out from the darkness
but I definitely don't want to see that stuff actually happen in my house.

Type my write

Today was a catch up day. Although I didn't catch up that much. I did however learn a bit more about health insurance from my very intelligent h.i. savvy friend Steph and typed up 8 of my pieces from a project I am working on with my friend Jessica.

Who knew typing up what I write could take so long. But it does. It's very tedious work but it's fun, too. Put on some good music, some mood lighting and type away. The best part about it is getting to re-live my stories. Visualize them as I am reading them.
Enjoy the characters, the setting, the dialogue. And what's really funny is while I'm typing, thinking what the character might say next, although not remembering what I had written and then seeing that I had written what I thought might come next.
I feel solid that I know who my characters are and what they would say.

I also get to take a look at how much I have written. Step back and realize I have gotten alot of writing done since I started writing in May. And I will continue to write.

Day 1

So technically it's January 2nd but since I haven't gone to sleep yet, it's the 1st and I am accomplishing my goal of writing today.
Last night was a fun New Year's event celebrated by a full moon, a blue moon and somewhere in Ireland one could even see a lunar eclipse!
All of that on New Year's Eve.

We started the evening with a pre-dance party get together at my house with friends.
We burned our "intentions" for the month/year since my roommate said it's a good thing to do when there's a full moon.

And today was a good, easy-going day.
I'm working on creating a space on my wall in my bedroom to post my goals for the year.
So I can look at them everyday and remember and keep moving forward.

More work will be done on it in the next few days and I will keep adding to it as things come up.
For now, this is the first step, writing daily...even if it's only in this blog.